Key Questions for Life Guidance

       Today is life – the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.

                                                                       -      Dale Carnegie

Have you ever heard someone say (or maybe you’ve said it yourself) that their son or daughter, or nephew or niece, is away at university or college trying to find themselves? They’re maybe in their first or second year, or beyond that, and they’re unsure as to what career or life path they should be following. I guess if we haven’t been through that situation ourselves, surely we know someone who has been, or is currently faced with that apparent dilemma.

I once borrowed a book on teaching from the teachers’ library here in Alberta. It’s called The Fourth Way: The Inspiring Future for Educational Change, by Andy Hargreaves and Dennis Shirley. Towards the end of the book, the authors mentioned that they are professors at Boston College. In order to reiterate their point about teachers needing to grab hold to the positive changes sweeping the pedagogical landscape, the authors made reference to an interesting occurrence at Boston College. Every year this Jesuit run school has an opening lecture for its undergraduate students. As part of that lecture, the undergraduates are challenged to engage with three questions they should contemplate during their stay at school. Those questions are:

·        Do you have a passion?

·        Are you good at it, or can you become so?

·        Does it serve a compelling social need?

The students are then told that if their answer to all three questions is “Yes”, then they will experience absolute joy.

If a young person you know (or maybe it’s you) is at a crossroads vis-à-vis life direction, don’t you think those are powerful questions to ask that person (or yourself)? I think the three questions strike at the core of what it means to be an on-purpose person.

Isn’t finding our life passion the “raison d’être” for our life? Although, wait now. What if your son or daughter or nephew or niece (or maybe it’s you) says they haven’t found their passion?

 Here’s my response. “Okay, Bill, or Mary, or (fill in the name), think about this. Take a look around you. Whom do you see that needs help? What do you see that needs improvement? What skill do you have, if further developed or refined, could make a profound difference? How could your talent, or talents, improve the well being of those in need? How could your energy and enthusiasm serve a compelling social need?”

I think in our heart of hearts we all want to make a meaningful contribution. All of us long for the self-satisfaction, the “joie de vivre” that comes from using the gifts God gave us to help others. Just imagine the ripple effect created in our communities, and in our world, if more people (young and not as young) made a pact with themselves to truly embody the message in those three questions.

The Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, once said: “We all carry the seeds of greatness within us, but we need an image as a point of focus in order that they may sprout.” I believe that image, or point of focus, is our passion.

The Letter in the Universal Mailbox

Whatever we think about and thank about we bring about.

-       Dr. John Demartini

Do you realize how incredibly powerful the above words are? Dr. Demartini’s quote is one of many included in the awesome book by Rhonda Byrne called The Secret. Of course, if you have read this book you will know that the secret is encapsulated in the phrase “the law of attraction.” The law of attraction has as its foundation the principle that like attracts like. In other words, what we focus on creates the conditions of our life, either positive or negative.

American author and speaker, John Assaraf, says: “Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what they don’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over.”

Here’s my theory. If we acknowledge that our thoughts are powerful, we really should discipline ourselves to corral them and focus on what we truly want – the stuff of our dreams.

To fully actualize the teaching of the law of attraction, it takes focus. American artist, Marion Lansky states: “Focus is the most magical tool we have. It’s the most powerful aspect of our minds. It’s the letter in the universal mailbox, the genie in the lamp.” Wow. That’s so true, isn’t it?

I just finished reading a great book by Steven Pressfield called Turning Pro. In terms of tapping your inner power and creating your life’s work (as his sub-title states), Mr. Pressfield makes a clear distinction between the amateur and the professional. The amateur is someone who lives a shadow life. He knows in his heart of hearts he really should be writing that screenplay, or sculpting that work of art, or giving presentations as an inspirational speaker; but instead he settles for a manner of living and working that, while it attends to his daily needs, quietly frustrates him. (See Thoreau quote re the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.)

The professional, on the other hand, is someone who is true to herself. She has the same fears and challenges as the amateur, but she has made a decision to focus her energies on what it takes to achieve her dream. And because of that decision, she has ordered her life in such a way whereby discipline is its hallmark.

If you are not already there, don’t you want to join the ranks of the pros? If so, what is holding you back? You’ve got this!

American author, Sara Avant Stover, reminds us, “You already have inside you everything you’ve ever wanted or looked for elsewhere.” All that any of us has to do is develop enough intestinal fortitude to break down the barriers (self-doubt, fear) and put into action the required steps – the plan – to achieve our magnificent obsession.

Hold it! Are you thinking you haven’t yet figured out your magnificent obsession? If that’s the case, ask yourself this question. “What is the one thing I could do with my life that would not only bring me a splendid sense of fulfillment, but would also serve an enduring need for my fellow human beings?”

We need – the world needs – you to answer that question, and then pursue your response with passion. Steven Pressfield is waiting too. “I will gladly shell out $24.95 or $9.99 or 99 cents on iTunes to read or see or listen to the 24-karat treasure that you have refined from your pain and your vision and your imagination.”

And so will I.

Building an Inner Citadel

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

-       Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

That’s how I see my job as an educator. To somehow spark in my students that inner drive to reach for their potential. To, first of all, master the content of the course material; but then to grab hold to the joy of learning and in the process long for their goals and dreams.

On the last Friday of October, I had the pleasure of teaching the CPR course to a group of grade ten PE students in Calgary. Typically, at the beginning of the course, I ask the students to introduce themselves. As part of that introduction, I also ask them to either say something interesting about themselves or tell us what their dream for the future is. With this particular group of students, their future ambitions ranged from wanting to be a cardiologist, to a history professor, to a mechanic.

As I got into the course content I attempted to infuse some humor into an otherwise serious topic – learning the skills to one day maybe save someone’s life. At one point in our discussion, we were talking about various risk factors that might predispose someone to having a heart attack or stroke. One of those risk factors is stress. On that topic, we brainstormed ways we can deal with excessive amounts of stress.

Recently, I was doing a little research on the effects of stress. One source made the claim that 43% of all adults suffer adverse effects from stress. The same source also asserted that 75-90% of all doctor’s office visits are from stress related ailments and complaints. Wow! That’s a staggering figure. Of course, a certain degree of stress is healthy and is just our body’s normal reaction to events occurring around us.

One strategy for stress mitigation that I proposed to my students would come under the umbrella of life perspective, or attitude. In that regard, I mentioned a book I had just finished reading. It’s called The Obstacle is the Way, by Ryan Holiday. The book’s subtitle is “The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumphs.” In this very interesting book, the author uses case studies of famous people throughout history (as well as the teachings of the philosophy of Stoicism) to make a point. That is, the potentially stress causing challenges of life can be better managed by leaning into the trial or obstacle in our way.

By dealing proactively with our challenges, the author suggests that we can build up our armor, or “Inner Citadel,” as the Stoics called it. Mr. Holiday defines this Inner Citadel as “that fortress inside of us that no external adversity can ever break down.” In this regard, the book also contains a quote by the Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius: “Choose not to be harmed, and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed, and you haven’t been.”

To make the point more salient for my students, I referenced the rigor of a grade ten Math or English course. My suggestion there was for the students (if they’re feeling challenged in that subject area) to lean into the course content. In other words, make a decision to become really interested in the course; spend more time on skill development; and ask the teacher as many questions as needed to master the content.

Our discussion also segued into the philosophy of Stoicism. All but one of the students were unfamiliar with this ancient school of thought. After I had provided some background information, one of the students was keen to ask if I could tell her the essence of Stoic thought. What a great question.

           I was glad to respond by saying that the Stoics were all about achieving a balance in life – to not be buffeted by the inevitable ups and downs of our existence. Their modus operandi was to remain calm and use life’s obstacles as fodder for the forge, if you will, to lead them to a higher level of character refinement.

Becoming a Meaningful Specific

            Risk believing in yourself. Risk acting on the assumption that you can succeed. Otherwise, the risk is that you will settle for only a fraction of what life has to give you.
                                                                                                       - Bob Proctor

Are you one to take risks? I don’t mean the foolhardy ones that could endanger your well-being. I mean the risks you take when you step out on faith and believe a reward awaits on the other side of fear.

Maybe you are already at a peak performance level in all aspects of your life. But if not, imagine for a moment if you threw off the bowlines, to paraphrase Mark Twain, and made a decision to kick aside the stumbling block in your way to a higher level of achievement?

Wallace D. Wattles, author of The Science of Getting Rich, said: “The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself.” In that regard, I humbly offer up three ways we can make the most of ourselves. (If my suggestions are part of your current regimen on the path to self-improvement, just keep doing what you’re doing!)

First of all, we could make a decision to learn all that we can about our chosen career so that our value to our employer, or to our business, multiplies. The famous author and motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar, once said: “You cannot make it as a wandering generality. You must become a meaningful specific.” If we spent even one hour a day reading books, magazines, or articles related to our work or business, just imagine the knowledge we could gain after a year or two. Doing such a thing would likely have two consequences: a higher level of confidence in our abilities; and more recognition by our peers, leading to possible career advancement.

Secondly, we could develop as many skills as we can in the area of human relationships. One of the best ways I know to do that is once again disciplining ourselves to read books in that field. Of course, there are many books published in the area of human relationships, but three of the best ones I would recommend are; The Bible, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, and Skill With People, by Les Giblin.

My third suggestion for making the most of ourselves is to develop an attitude of gratitude? I think the constant practice of being grateful can be a game changer in our life. When life presses in on us a little, it is so easy to default to the negative and temporarily forget the blessings around us. Author Eckhart Tolle has this to say about gratitude: “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

As a corollary of the above quote from Mr. Wattles, I think one of the best things we can do for ourselves as we begin every day is to put into practice the words of author Thich Nhat Hanh.

“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

Becoming a Game Changer

Looking back, my life seems like one big obstacle race, with me being the chief obstacle.

-       Jack Paar

The famous American inventor, Thomas Edison, once said: “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” When you think about it, each one of us has so much potential – so many gifts to bring to the world.

In terms of maximizing our potential, or not, Charles Schulz used the following analogy: “Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” It’s so easy to coast in life (pardon the pun!) and rest on our laurels. But when we do that we sell ourselves short. One of the things I’ve learned, especially over the last couple of decades, is that there is so much joy to be found in the constant pursuit of personal growth.

What gears in your life are “wanting wear?” (That reminds me of the words in Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken.”) As a sidebar, the bicycle that I ride on occasion has about twenty-five gears or speeds. Without a doubt, if I’ve used five of those gears, that’s about the limit. I wonder - maybe there’s a message there for me!

Henry David Thoreau said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Why should we settle for mediocrity? There are so many opportunities available today to improve our lot in life, and to be of more service to others. Just imagine if you and I made a decision, every day, to go for the gusto and live a life without limits – in terms of the goals and dreams we aspire to achieve.

One of the goals I set back in January was to read fifty books this year. Yesterday (Sept. 20), I finished reading my twentieth book. Yes, I know, thirty books to read in just over three months seems like a daunting task. But I plan to do it.

By referencing one of my yearly goals, I wanted to make a point. That is, sometimes the things on the high shelf (please insert your “magnificent obsession” here) can only be reached by stretching beyond our comfort zone. (Relative to my point, American author and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, said, “If we want the things on the high shelf, we have to stand on the books we read.”)

If we really want to make a significant change in the quality of our life and we have arrived at the point when we say “enough is enough,” we can slip the boundaries of our self-imposed comfort zone? Then it’s a matter of narrowing our focus (i.e. clearly defining our purpose) and taking the steps needed to make a real difference.

Another famous author and motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, says, “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.” It’s not a complicated thing to carve a path to achieving our overarching purpose in life. Yes, it will take an ongoing commitment to the task, combined with a steadfast belief in our abilities. But the payoff is worth it.

You could be already doing this, but, if not, who knows what the positive ripple effect would be if you decided to become a game changer in your own life? Why wait any longer to show the world what a difference you can make?